Twilight: A Synopsis
by Burnt Sugar Cookie
Summary: What basically happens.
1. Twilight

The underlined bits are supposed to be crossed out. If you enjoy Twilight, you can just ignore those bits and continue living your sick fantasy.

* * *

**Twilight: A Synopsis**

One day, a self pitying teenage girl moves to Forks. Her name is Bella. Bella complains and boasts a lot. She attends the local high school where all the boys promptly forget about the rest of the female population and fall in love with her. However, one group did not so much as acknowledge Bella's arrival. Because they were so attractive, Bella is sad they don't care about her.

During science class, Bella is assigned to sit next to Edward, a member of the pretty people group and the only one single. However, Edward is mean to Bella. Bella doesn't understand why.

Bella finds out why!!! Edward is a mutated vampire who sparkles, read minds, and drinks animal blood. The pretty people in the group are all mutated vampires with too many superpowers. Edward explains that he lusts after Bella's blood and that that is why he is so distant. There are many long speeches about not being good enough for each other and being too dangerous for each other etc. This is continued for the majority of the book. They get together anyways.

Some bad guys finally come, lay out a strange and stupid plan to capture Bella and the self proclaimed genius falls for it. Unfortunately, Edward and friends save her.

The End


	2. New Moon

New Moon: A Synopsis

It's Bella's birthday! Bella's mutated vampire friends give her valuable, thoughtful gifts and throw her a party, but being ungrateful and whiny, she complains about being physically one year older that Edward, disregarding the fact that he is and always will be about a century older. At the party an accident happens. Bella is almost killed by Jasper, Edward's 'brother'.

Later, Edward and family run away, saying for the thousandth time that they are too dangerous for Bella. Bella goes into depression. She stays in depression for the next hundred pages or so. Her friend, Jacob, who is a shape shifter who thinks he's a werewolf, cheers her up. 'Werewolves' are the enemies of the mutated vampires.

Bella does some daredevil things because she is going crazy and hears Edward's voice when she does. One time, she nearly gets killed but is saved by Jacob.

Edward thinks she's dead and wants to commit suicide. He picks the dumbest, most time consuming way. Sadly, Bella arrives in time to save him. The Vulturi, a group of powerful mutated vampires find out about her and want her to become a vampire too.

Edward explains that Victoria, one of the villains from the last book was trying to kill Bella. He was in Brazil, one of the least likely places for her to be, trying to hunt her down. Unsurprisingly, he still hasn't caught her yet. However, he vows to never leave Bella again.

Bella is happy. She even admits that nothing much happened in the book.

The End


	3. Eclipse

Eclipse: a Synopsis

Edward is an abusive boyfriend. He forbids Bella from seeing the 'werewolves,' who are unlikely to eat her, because he considers them dangerous, while he thinks mutated vampires are not. He goes as far as cutting the wires of her car to stop her from going. Bella doesn't dump him.

Edward proposes to Bella, and she accepts, but only under the selfish condition of being able to be turned into a vampire by him. For some illogical reason she wants to stay with Edward forever, but not marry him.

They find out that Victoria has created an army of mutated vampires. Because they were recently created, they have trouble containing their thirst for blood. Victoria hopes to use a pack of vicious, unmerciful beasts to capture a weak human protected by herbivore vampires. (She doesn't even know about the 'werewolves'.)

Bella and company decide to hide out in the mountains, leaving everyone else in the town in danger. The mutated vampires and the 'werewolves' team up, unsurprisingly. There is a lame fight and they obviously win. Nobody dies or even so much as get a broken bone. 

Bella realizes that she also loves Jacob but chooses Edward anyways. Practically nothing is changed. 

The End


	4. Breaking Dawn

Breaking Dawn: A Synopsis

Bella and Edward get married! They have sex which shockingly leads to Bella's pregnancy. Edward has no blood flow, so how could he have had an erection? This plot hole is ignored however, like the eighteen million others found in the series. Edward is worried because he thinks the child, who is growing at a startling rate, is killing Bella. However, Bella already loves the kid, and refuses to have an abortion. Edward agrees to keep the baby after he realizes her active conscience, which was far more advanced than that of a normal unborn baby.

Bella "gives birth" to the baby after a few days. The child rips her stomach open, the first and most gruesome action to occur in all four books. Edward is forced to change Bella into a vampire to keep her from dying. The poor baby is given the name Renesmee, although Jacob dubs her Nessie. Bella becomes a very self-controlled newborn vampire with the power of protecting her's and others' minds and Nessie finds out she can communicate by sending her thoughts out. Jacob imprints, or falls irrationally in love with the baby which is _not _in anyway pedophiliac or disturbing. Everyone is happy because it means that the hundreds of years of hatred between the mutated vampires and 'werewolves' would be forgotten.

The happiness does not last however. Somehow, news of Nessie travels to the Volturi in Italy, and she is mistaken for an "immortal child", a child turned vampire. Immortal children are uncontrollable and were therefore outlawed by the Volturi. The Volturi, who must have been quite bored, decide to make a big fuss about them and set out to kill the Cullens. In response, the Cullens gather their own mutated vampire army and prepare to battle. This is dragged on and on. In the end, no fight even happens and the Cullens all live happily ever after.

Also, someone finally has enough brains to correct the misnomer 'werewolves'.

The End


End file.
